LIVING CORAM DEO
Saturday, 18 November, 2017
Made A Mistake Marrying You

Made A Mistake Marrying You

Made A Mistake Marrying You.

Denise was in her late 20s, while Adrian was five years her senior. They have a two year-old girl, Joanne. Denise was a physical education instructor in a local high school, and despite the long hours, she always had energy interacting with Joanne after school, and taking her out on trips to the park and shopping malls, with Adrian. They went everywhere together as a family, except on Saturdays, when Denise and Adrian were committed to their own sport activities with their respective group of friends. Denise was into swimming, while Adrian was training for the dragon boat racing event. From everyone’s perspective, the family was closely knit and happy.

Denise was an outgoing young woman, and someone who could put anyone at ease when they come into contact with her, even though he or she may be a total stranger to her. My wife and I had lost contact with her since her marriage. One day, we came across each other in a supermarket, and a casual enquiry as to how she was getting on elicited an unexpected reaction. In a few seconds, Denise began to tear uninterrupted. We pulled her aside to an obscure corner of the large store to give her some privacy and space to grieve, and time to regain her composure. After a few minutes, Denise explained briefly what had been happening between her and Adrian. She was at her wits end and did not know how she could share with anyone at that time.

A year into their marriage, she thought Adrian was behaving rather oddly. Although working overtime was not a regular practice in his organisation, he was coming home very late almost everyday, and when pressed about it, was evasive and became angry. When she checked with one his colleagues during a year-end company function, she discovered that Adrian rarely worked late. In the ensuing months, they slowly grew apart, and the day arrived when he refused to accompany Denise in doing the week’s marketing. Adrian also stopped attending church services and their weekly care group sessions. One weekend, they sat down together and to thrash issues out. He told Denise that he no longer love her, and regretted marrying her. The reason he married her was to get away from his abusive father. When she pressed him whether there was another woman in his life, he said there was no one else. They could not agree how they ought to proceed in their fractured relationship at that point in time. They had been courting one another for seven years before their marriage.

Weeks later, Adrian brought home a close friend for dinner. He introduced him as Simon, a fellow participant in their dragon boat racing team. Simon stayed overnight and slept in the guest room with Adrian. Subsequently, when Denise confronted Adrian in his relationship with Simon, he admitted that Simon was his lover, and that the relationship had been ongoing prior to their wedding. Adrian did not want any help in his life to make any changes, nor did he want a separation from Denise. She was devastated and felt trapped! She became depressed. However, she had excellent support from her church’s care group members as she coped with the tension of living in limbo with Adrian. Counselling sessions for Denise alone were scheduled, as Adrian refused to attend with her.

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